For my junior year I moved to Utah with close family friends because I was not doing well at home. The party life was all I was willing to do. This family always knew how to get me back on track and they are the only people who I was willing to talk to and help me. After a couple months I met a guy. This is where it all went down hill. I was very insecure of myself and didnt know how to have a normal high school relationship. I got pregnant right away. The minute I found out I was pregnant, I thought about adoption. I tried talking to my boyfriend at the time about it and he was not on board. We ended up breaking up. But that wasnt easy. I felt trapped in a relationship because of the pregnancy. After talking to Autumn (the lady I lived with) and her mom, Robinn, I realized that I can do it without him because I had them to help me through this.
The hardest thing about the pregnancy was telling my mom I was pregnant. For the first time in my life, I truely cared about how my mom felt, and I didnt want to hurt her or make her feel like I was hopeless. I was so emotional and couldnt tell her, Autumn had to do it for me, but I had to sit there the whole time hearing every word and than had to talk to her after Autumn did. I said "Hi" and than broke down. I was so ashamed because I felt like all I ever did was mess up. I knew I made my mom feel like a failuer. I dont know if it was hard to tell my dad; I just didnt want to do it. He and I do not have the best relationship and i felt like he could just talk to my mom to find out whats going on in my life. He found out for himself and wasnt too pleased. To me, our relationship didnt get any better after that, it might have gotten a bit worse. My family wasnt very willing to talk to me about it and they were very supportive. My mother didnt really want people to find out, i never really found out for sure why. I decided around my 5th month that I wasnt willing to hid it anymore. It became such a wonderful experience for me and I wanted to share it with people. My mom turned around and started supporting me and talking to me. Her and I were actually talking and building a relationship. She became one of my biggest supportes.
I picked LDS Family Services to help me with my adoption. I have to say that I had the BEST social worker anyone could ask for! He taught me to talk for myself and made me realize that this is my life, the choices I make must be the ones I truely want for myself. My adoption wasnt easy though. I chose to give my son to the family I was living with. They were the only people I trusted. Josh (my worker) was always kind of confused on how to work things out but we managed to make it work. And it is working sooooo great!
August 28, 2010 at 8:24 A.M. Porter was born by C-Section. It was the most powerful experience I have ever been through. I had people tell me that once I saw him I would want to drop the adoption and keep him. But the minute I saw him and saw him in his new parents' arms, it only made me want to do the adoption even more. The whole family just glowed. He fit in perfectly to their crazy family and I was reminded that this is going to be the best thing in the world for him.
This whole experience has made me grow up so much. I now want the best things for myself and i want my birthson to be proud of me when he grows up. I dont want him to be embarrassed of me and end up not want to know me when he is older. I live my life for him now.
I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. Many people put this on the list of all my mistakes, but I don't. Being 16 and pregnant was the best thing that could ever happened to me. I want to let all those girls out there who are struggling know that after all the tears, there is a smile. Adoption doesnt mean goodbye. It is a hello for you and your child to a new wonderful life.
