My journy with Sudie

  One night my sister came home in a terrible mood and that week I was having the worst chest pain I have ever had. I felt really upset because she was being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I had been watching her boyfriends puppy for a long time and she hadnt even asked me. So after she left the room I started venting to Josh. I told him that I felt very sad and all I wanted was for Sudie to come home and give me a thank you. I said that she seems like she is mad at the world. Than I was talking about how my chest was hurting extra bad. Sudie's boyfriend came out and started yelling at me because he was upset with the fact that I was feeling used. He said some very hurtful things. He has never been disrespectful like that before and all the yelling back made my chest start to hurt a million times worse. They left the room and went up stairs. I started crying and having a panic attack. My mom was out of town so I wasnt sure what to do. I kept telling Josh to call an ambulence because the pain added with the panic attack was very scary for me. Sudie and her boyfriend came down because they heard all that was going on and they felt really bad for what they did. Her boyfriend apologized and just wanted to help. After getting me calm they tried to see what I could do to get my chest pain under control. A hour or so later, my sister decided to sit down and talk to me about how im really doing. For the first time she wanted to listen to me. I told her exactly how the depression was taking over everything and how it was about the adoption and how I felt that no one was there for me. I told her how much it hurt me to not have my sister be there for me during this time. She started crying and she apoligized for being so stubborn and that now she will be there for me. This was the start of getting my life back. Slowly but surely.

It's been a while...

    So its been very long since I have updated my blog, and I'm sorry for that. For the past few months things got pretty bad for me. I became very depressed and I was not sure how to deal with it. Even though Josh and my mom were trying very hard to be there for me, I still wasnt excepting their help. I had to leave Poly High because the stress was causing me to fall behind. I never expected for it to get that bad and I was so disappointed in myself because I had no idea what was wrong with me. I enrolled in another school called School for Adults; with this school I can still graduate high school but do all those classes on my own pace and I can go in whenever I want to. So far I have only finished one class because after Christmas things got worse for me emotionally so I wasnt going as often. I was going to go to Utah to visit The Teehans for the first time after the adoption but at the last minute I canceled. I felt that I still had a lot of healing to do before I saw Porter again. All my stress caused me to have physical pain, I had chest pain that was so painful I couldnt move and it felt like my chest bones were going go pop out of me. I went into the doctor to help me figure out what was wrong. Turns out that I have inflamation all throughout my chest and upper back. But I still had to go do a bunch of test just to make sure it wasnt a heart problem. Those results of those test still arent in. I was told to get all the stress out of my life amd take things easy because there was no cure to the pain. I realized that a lot of the stress was because the relationship I didnt have with my sister. I started to look at where all these problems were coming from. I was now on a mission to fix all the stress in my life.The next few blogs will be those mission stories.